


you win, you lose

by jewishcas



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 15x09 Prediction, Angst, Apologies, Love Confessions, M/M, Purgatory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-16
Updated: 2019-12-16
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:48:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21815428
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jewishcas/pseuds/jewishcas
Summary: There's never any winning in Purgatory.15x09 prediction.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 18
Kudos: 111





	you win, you lose

**Author's Note:**

> sdjjsdkljsd OKAY several notes
> 
> 1) read the end of the notes for a note (omg what a funny sentence)
> 
> 2) ok this is angsty as hell aight so don't. read. if. u. cant. handle. that.
> 
> 3) yell at me in the comments

The vampire’s head slices clean off, smattering blood all over Dean’s face. He drops his shoulders as he eyes the head as it rolls to a stop. He wipes the residue off of his face, grimacing a bit. He tries to regain his breath in the short period of time he has left before the next batch find him. He takes in the view, trees after trees, all burned into his memory from when he spent his time here.

He thought he would never have to go back. 

Dean sighs. They’re here looking for a _Leviathan Blossom,_ which is apparently some sort of flower. Cas insisted they separate—the land is familiar to the both of them, and they would be able to cover more ground. Dean hesitated to the idea at first, but knew that Cas was still furious, and a part of him did not want to add onto the anger. 

It’s already hard enough looking at Cas, thinking he would be meeting his eyes, but only looking at the side of his face. Cas avoids his gaze like the plague—and Dean would be lying if he said he wasn’t upset about it.

It’s not like Dean doesn’t want to apologize—it’s just that Cas is not ready to hear it. Cas refuses to even be in the same room as Dean for more than a few minutes. Even in Purgatory, it only took three minutes before Cas took off, storming into the never-ending forest.

Dean only hopes that Cas’s rage is fuel for adrenaline and allows him to get through safely.

There’s a rustling of branches and Dean spins around. Three vampires come into view.

The leftmost one launches herself at Dean. He easily blocks her weapon wielding hand and stabs her in her stomach. She lets out a howl of pain and falls down, grappling at the wound. Dean swings his arm and decapitates her just as the second vampire jumps him from behind. Grunting, he falls, his heart racing at the feel of the vampires breath so near his skin. His blade scatters on the ground and he curses, manoeuvring himself to flip the vampire on his back. Dean lands several punches before the third vampire knocks him down to help out his friend. 

Dean hits the ground with a grunt. He spots his blade out of the corner of his eye and reaches to grab it, quickly rolling on his back to slash the arm of the third vampire as he tries to keep him steady. The vampire cries out and grabs his arm, and Dean uses the newly granted freedom to kick the vamp straight in the chest, knocking him away. He manages to get up and tackle the second vampire back to the ground, landing several blows in his face before taking his knife and slicing straight through his neck.

Dean stands up, panting heavily as he wipes some of the blood off of his face. A loud growl hits his eardrums before feeling a searing pain in the left part of his stomach. He yelps, and the third vampire withdrew his knife from the wound as Dean falls, clutching at his stomach. The vampire knocks him backwards until he’s on his back and tries to hold him down to get a bite, but Dean grabs his knife and beheads it, grimacing as a splattering of blood hits his face. He cries out in pain as he throws the body off of him and puts a hand over his wound. He’s bleeding heavily, and thinking quickly, he takes off his shirt and balls it up, placing it over the area and pressing hard. He scoots back up against a tree and pants heavily, his pain coursing through his veins. 

“Aah!” Dean gasps, and he throws his head back. “Shit, shit shit!”

His breath is shaky, and he closes his eyes.

“Cas!” He cries out, weak. “Cas, can you hear me? Please. Please listen! I’ve been hit. Vamp gutted me. I—shit—I’m losing a lot of blood. I—”

Dean bites his lip as another surge of pain rips through him. He grips the balled-up shirt a bit tighter. “Look, the wound—it’s too bad. I’m gonna lose too much blood. Or before, more monsters are going to find me, and then I’m just freakin’ roadkill at that point. I need you to listen to me, Cas.”

He takes several breaths before continuing. “I’m so sorry, Cas. I’m sorry for saying those things. I don’t—shit—I don’t blame you for Mom. Or for anyone.” Dean’s voice starts to become choked up. “I treated you terribly. I keep lashing out at you for things that aren’t your doing. I say horrible things all the time thinking people will forgive me, and you g-gave me a real wakeup call here. I don’t know what I would do without you, and these past few weeks have made me so fricken’ miserable, Cas.”

Dean swallows—his cheeks feel wet, but he’s unsure if it’s tears or blood. “I don’t know what’s real, Cas. Chuck’s been, well, messin’ with my head. I’ve been so confused. My...my feelings. I don’t know what I feel. I don’t know how to...t-to handle it...I’m sorry…”

He gasps out in pain again, squeezing his eyes shut. “Listen to me, Cas. You’re goin’ to forget about me. You’re goin’ to find that flower, and then you’re goin’ to get the hell out of here. That portal will close soon, you hear me? You’re givin’that flower to Michael. And you take care of Sammy. And you fight until you win, you hear me?”

Dean feels his body shutting down, and he bites his lip. “I can feel myself fading. I’m losin’ too much blood. Cas...I’m sorry. For everythin’. I...I love you. I do. I love you so damn much. Please..” Dean clenches his teeth. “Please forgive me…”

He finds it hard to continue to talk—finds it hard to keep his eyes open. He clutches onto the shirt and closes his eyes.

“Dean!”

Dean manages to pry his eyes open. “Cas?” He calls out weakly.

“Dean!” Cas’s voice comes again, and he appears into view. He runs over and crouches down, placing one hand on Dean’s shoulder. “Dean, it’s okay, you’re going to be fine.” He moves Dean’s hand and positions his own over the wound. “This is going to sting.”

“Cas…your grace…”

“Forget my grace!” Cas growls, and his hands starts to glow. Dean cries out as Cas clenches his teeth, trying to stabilize himself. The wound is deep, but he should have enough to cover Dean and still have some to spare. 

“I..told...you...to...leave me…” Dean manages.

Cas doesn’t answer and continues to heal him to completion, collapsing slightly on top of Dean, his head hitting his shoulder. He pants heavily before bringing his head back up. “Are you...okay?”

Dean stares at him and manages a weak smile. “I lost a lot of blood. But I think I’ll be okay. Just...need a moment.” He takes a deep breath. “Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why did you heal me?”

Cas shoots him a confused look. “Why wouldn’t I heal you?”

“Maybe,” Dean scoffs, “because I’ve been such a dick to you.”

“Yes,” Cas replies, sitting back on his heels. “Perhaps, but you were dying. I couldn’t bear to let you die.”

Dean’s eyes dart away as he looks down. “You can barely even look at me lately. Barely even speak to me. _Because of me, because of what I said._ And yet, you still run to my rescue.” Dean shakes his head and lets out a pained laugh. “Why?”

Cas pauses, biting his lip, before exhaling a breath and shaking his head. “There are just some things you do for the ones you love.”

Dean looks up at him, his eyes glossy. “I’m sorry, Cas. I really am.”

“I know,” Cas nods, “I heard you.”

Dean lets his head fall back against the tree. “I told you to get the flower and leave me.”

“I had already gotten the flower,” Cas informs. “I was just trying to find you. You made it easier, actually, by praying like that. I could find out where you were.” 

“You…” Dean stares at him with wide eyes. “You got the flower?”

Cas nods. He reaches the hand not on Dean’s shoulder to his side and grabs the flower, lifting it up so Dean can see. A smile breaches through Dean’s pained expression, and Cas puts it back down again. Dean is staring at him with an unreadable expression.

“You...you got…” Dean chuckles. “You got the damn flower.”

Cas frowns. “I thought we established that.”

Dean doesn’t say anything but lifts a hand to Cas’s cheek, cupping it lightly. Cas’s expression of confusion is still plain as day on his face. “You said...the things you do for the ones you love...do you...love me? After all I did to you?”

Cas exhales a shaky breath and leans into Dean’s palm, his eyes unmoving from Dean’s stare. “Dean, I raised you from hell. I rebelled and fell for you. I don’t think there’s a thing in this universe that could make me not love you.”

Dean smiles. “You son of a bitch.” 

He leans forward and closes the gap between him and Cas, pressing his lips lightly against the other. It’s tentative and soft, and he pulls away to catch Cas opening his eyes slowly. Cas’s lips are parted slightly and his cheeks are a bit flushed. 

Then the hand on his shoulder shifts upward towards his face and lips come crashing down onto his again. Cas is kissing with a lot more intensity, lips moving feverishly as if it was the only thing needed to be done. 

Dean feels the weight of lips on his lifted, and he opens his eyes, expecting to see blue eyes staring back at him.

Instead, he finds the plain trees of Purgatory.

Startled, he stands to get up, looking around. “Cas?” He calls out. “ _CAS?”_

There’s no answer. Dean moves around a bit, clutching at his hair. “ _CAS? CAN YOU HEAR ME? WHERE ARE YOU?”_

Dean pauses. Maybe his blood loss caused him to hallucinate. His hands fall down, his right hand covering his mouth. He turns around and gasps when he sees the flower. He crouches down, tears of confusion teasing his eyes. 

It wasn’t a hallucination.

Dean’s hand moves to where his wound was. No pain, no scar—completely healed.

He grabs the flower—clutching it in his hand. He stares up at the sky.

_“CAS!”_

* * *

He hears a voice. Dean’s voice.

He opens his eyes.

He sees nothing.   
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> decided to make it so when cas gets taken by the empty he just disappears. no body. and dean's confused as fuck. oops
> 
> anyway kudos and comments are super appreciated!!
> 
> follow my [ twitter](https://twitter.com/deancaspls) for more FUN ;'')


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